Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
