i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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