im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
