Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
