walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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