i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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