well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
