So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
How external is "for external use only"?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
