i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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