How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
