Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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