I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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