How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
