Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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