Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize