First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
He is an equal opportunity slut.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
