I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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