My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
