Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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