you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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