I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
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I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
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I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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