so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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