You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
