Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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