he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
