so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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