I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Randomize
