Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
