forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
