My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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