My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
