i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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