Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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