we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
