Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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