I hate all girls vehemently.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
