This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
