The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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