do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
