high people should be assigned attendants
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
