forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
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