He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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