If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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