all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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