The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
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