You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
and she was petting her beer can
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
