Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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