Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
