Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
