Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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