Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
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