The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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