Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
You are the jesus of drinking
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
