When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
He shit in the fireplace
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
