I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
