You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
