It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
