and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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