i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
