Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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