sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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