Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I looked at my own cervix.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
