I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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