Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
