Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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