please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
