I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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