Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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