I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
