one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
The adults are the big ones right?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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