i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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