I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
