I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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