Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
