You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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