Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Randomize
