Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
