To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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