Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
